kiss goes krazy!

a work of fiction.
kiss special magazine - fall 1979

the word is out - kiss have gone insane, they're in a mental hospital. they may never return to normal. kiss in an asylum, holy freud, is'nt anything sacred nowadays?

it's undeniable - the truth is out! they tried to hide it, but it was just too big to sweep under the rug. we have dug deep for the facts. as much as we hate to admit it, we know it's true and we can't keep it from you, our loyal readers. we know you always expect the truth from us, and that's what we're giving you. here it is - kiss have gone crazy - they have been locked up in a mental asylum. the loony bin has claimed kiss. in other words, they are in the booby hatch, with straitjackets as their mode of dress.

it is horrifying and sad news. but human beings can only take so much before they crack. kiss surpassed the normal limits of being able to tolerate things, but in the end, all the tumult got to them.

being famous has it's drawbacks, as well as it's rewards. kiss have been in the limelight for a long time. they have accomplished some spectacular feats during that period of time. they have also done some wild things.

because of their unpredictability, kiss have won over millions of fans. in the end, it was ironic, but it was their loving and devoted fans who drove them bananas. don't feel too bad, because kiss loved all your adulation - while they were still sane.

their descent into insanity was a slow, painful process. for the first couple of years, things started getting to them. even the smallest things bothered them.

pretty soon, they dreaded playing concerts. the fans' responses just drove them up the wall. the screams and outcries got on their nerves. the fans tried to tear them to shreds whenever they got within striking distance. everyone wanted a piece of kiss.

gene, ace, paul and peter began retreating into their own little world. they hated going out in public - they were terrified of what might happen to them. they even had nightmares about being ripped to pieces by overzealous fans.

the boys got impossible to live with. every little thing began upsetting them. their nerves were frazzled. trouble was on it's way. they even talked about quitting before they had a breakdown. the guys could sense what would happen if things kept up the way they were going. but too much money was at stake for them to quit. they were under contract and would have been sued for millions if they walked out on their contract. they were forced to go on - against their will.

before long, they became like zombies. the deafening screams had taken their toll. gene, ace, paul and peter would go out on stage, but they just went through the motions. when their excited fans threw things on stage, the boys really got upset. they were afraid of being hit by bottles or the like. their lives were in turmoil.

to try and head off the inevitable, the boys went to see a psychiatrist. they journeyed all the way to vienna, austria to consult with the renowned dr. ignatz schlockstien. the doctor examined them thoroughly. he came to one heartbreaking conclusion.

dr. schlockstein told kiss that all the years of being famous had made them psychotic. they were scared of failing. they were afraid of losing it all. so, manifesting their latent fears, they rationalized that they had quit because their fans might hurt them. this way, they could go out on top, still believing that they were loved and not worrying about failing one day and losing their fans. the doctor told them that, in order to get well again, they should take a few months off and relax. he told them to re-examine their career and come to grips with the fact that fame is fleeting, but they were on top now and that was all that mattered.

unfortunately, kiss could not accept the doctor's diagnosis. they could'nt believe that they were really scared of losing it all. kiss stuck to the belief that they were just worn out by the constant pressure put on them by their fans. they convinced themselves that the whole situation would blow over.

they went back to their usual routine. thing did'nt improve - they gradually grew worse. the boys were losing their grip on reality. pretty soon, they got ticked off at the drop of a pin. they even began fighting among themselves.

only those close to kiss knew how serious the situation had become. they feared that the boys would go over the brink. yet, for the time being, kiss kept on going along - things were bad, but they were surviving - barely.

their loved ones feared that it might only take one major push to put them over the brink, one incident which would add fuel to the fire and destroy kiss. they hoped and prayed it would'nt come about. they figured if things could stay the way they were, without getting any worse, kiss might pull through the crisis.

but then it happened. what everyone feared had came true. the final blow was delivered. the boys were trying to take it easy one morning by reading their tons of fan mail. gene opened a letter. he began reading it. the next thing that everyone heard was a loud scream, followed by hysterical shrieks. gene dropped the letter, and he, too, crumpled to the ground, a blank look on his face.

quickly, the others ran over and picked up the letter. they read it in tandem. ace, paul and peter began crying. then they started to bang their heads against the walls. the room was in a mess, it was a tragic sight. there, lying on the floor, in full view of everyone, were the once mighty kiss muttering to themselves and frothing at the mouths. the letter was a death threat, sent by some kook. it managed to finally push them over the edge.

their manager called the hospital. kiss were whisked off to a mental institution. upon examination, straitjackets were put on them, to keep them from further injuring themselves. it had finally happened - kiss went over the brink, they lost their marbles, they were no longer playing with a full deck, they were a few bricks short of a load. kiss had gone out to lunch - they have yet to return.

their future is in doubt. noone knows what will happen next. their doctors say that, given time, they should recover. the boys are now undergoing treatment. it is hoped that they can return to normal, or, at least, to a state of relative health.

it is not known whether they will ever again be able to perform - even if they recover. their doctors say the shock of climbing back onstage might be too much for kiss to take, and they could lapse back into insanity. so, kiss fans, don't be surprised if you don't hear or see anything about kiss for awhile.

we all hope that, somehow, kiss can return to normal. it would be a great loss to the rock world if kiss were forced to hang up their outrageous costumes. the doctors keep on working on them. they say if kiss can be cured, it should not take too long. if they can't reach them in the near future, then their hopes of ever being sane again are slim. for now, all you can do is pray for kiss. the word is out - kiss are krazy, they have been kommitted. it's a krying krime, but it's the koncrete truth, so help us, dr.ignatz schlockstein.


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