a very close encounter

a work of fiction by: b.s yoo
super rock spectacular - spring 1979

believe it or not, kiss had a close encounter with a spaceship from another planet. they met an extraordinary creature. now, for the first time anywhere, read about kiss' very close encounter with the monster from outer space.

for those of you who saw the movie, "close encounters of the third kind", you were probably entertained, but skeptical. after all, flying saucers are the figment of some weirdo's imagination - are'nt they? no, they're not, unless you figure kiss for weirdos. they may not be conventional, but crazy they're not.

the guys in kiss had their own encounter. yup, they saw a flying saucer. in fact, they saw more than a flying saucer. they saw a being from another planet. it may sound incredible, but would kiss lie?

they were driving home one evening after a concert. the four were alone, and paul was driving. they were in a silver and black rolls royce. they were driving down a deserted back road. everything was peaceful. in fact, all except paul were asleep.

then, out of nowhere, they heard a strange, humming sound. it was loud enough to awaken them. still, they saw nothing, but, in a flash, a large, silvery disc-shaped object flew out of a cloud. it was huge. paul, ace, peter and gene were all terrified. their car's transmission went dead - the car came to a standstill. the object landed in front of the car.

the boys did'nt know what to do. their car would'nt start, and there was no place to run. they could sense trouble. the object remained motionless on the ground for five minutes - so did kiss. they figured if they remained quiet, it might just go away. they even pinched one another to see if they were dreaming. they were'nt.

slowly, a hatch from the bottom of the disc opened. now kiss were out of their minds with stark fear. what would happen next? they may never see earth again. they might be kidnapped by creatures from outer space - monsters who would dissect them. crazy thoughts ran through the boys' minds.

their worst fears were realized. appearing on the steps of the craft, the guys saw a strange-looking creature, unlike anything they had ever seen before. they described it as about eight-feet tall, purple, with five eyes covered with large goggles, two mouths, a seven-inch nose, no arms, one leg and one huge, blinking lights on top of a pumpkin-shaped head. they almost fainted from fright.

it began walking towards them. they felt compelled to get out of the car and walk toward the hulking monster - as if drawn to him by some overwhelming, irresistible force. he stopped about two feet in front of them. kiss thought for sure that he would swallow them up.

then he spoke. both of his mouths moved as he talked. they were astonished when they learned he spoke english - he even had a drawl. the first words out of his mouths were, "my goodness, are you for real - you look so weird, do earthlings look like you?" you have to remember the guys were in their makeup and costumes. they had to laugh. he wanted to know what was so funny. they explained that they don't look like most people on the planet. the creature breathed a sigh of relief.

he said his name was yllib retrac. he told kiss that he was here from the planet tunaep to scout earth. his home is many millions of miles away - in another solar system. he said his intentions were friendly. he just wanted to find out if earth was friendly and if his planet could establish friendly ties with us - they would like to open a trading post here - their biggest commodity was reeb - a liquid which made people happy and uninhibited. yllib said he often drank it, and it always made him feel good. still, he wondered why he was always the one sent out on these long missions - after all, his brother was the ruler of their planet.

he asked kiss all about earth. they told him everything - including the bad things. he could'nt believe some of the things he heard. in fact, he got depressed and broke out the reeb. they all drank some, they soon were all happy. but yllib said he had to relieve himself. they were astonished when he opened his mouth and out flowed a brown substance which formed into a shape like the human foot. yllib said he was always full of reeb and always found himself with that uncomfortable residue in his mouth (the left one).

after that they all felt really good. kiss asked the now-jolly behemoth what his plans were. he laughed. he said he liked the boys and wanted to only deal through them. they said that was impossible. they were performers and their duty was to please their fans. he said if he could'nt deal with whom he wanted, he would have nothing to do with this planet. he said his brother could jump in the loopssec for all he cared. (he said the loopssec was the place where naughty people were sent to clean up their act.)

he said that he would leave now and not return. earth did'nt sound all that hot to him. and, most importantly, how would he get his beloved reeb here? without it, he was nothing - with it, he was a jolly fellow. the boys all said their goodbyes and wished yllib retrac a safe trip home. they sent regards to his brother ymmij. yllib let them in on a secret before he left. he said he was secretly planning to overthrow the government and replace his brother. he could'nt stand the way his brother always flashed his 876 orange teeth. yllib said he would make a better ruler - he would not offend anyone.

then he got in his ship and took off. in a second he was gone. paul, peter, ace and gene could'nt believe what had just happened. they had met with a creature from outer space - he was really something else. they were glad no one on earth resembled him. he was a bit too pushy and talkative for their tastes.

they got back into their car and drove off, into the dark night. kiss could never forget that night. it was a close encounter of a most scary kind. they would go home, relax and try to forget what had happened. they would watch hollywood squares to try and calm down. it would be good tonight. billy carter, one of their favorites, was a guest.

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