paul stanley:
what it's like to be
a pretty boy

a work of fiction by: russell wiener
rock '79 (kiss collection series) - fall 1979

not too many people can argue with the fact that paul stanley
is the pretty boy of kiss. yet being an idol to millions of girls
is'nt as easy as it sounds. just ask paul.
he'll tell you how hard his life really is.
he deserves our pity (ha ha)!

it's not easy being filthy rich, idolized and, above all, an adonis-like figure of a man! just ask paul stanley. he'll tell you life's not easy on top. it's especially hard when you happen to be the pretty boy of the number one rock group on earth, as paul is with kiss. yes, no one can deny the fact that paul is the best looking member of kiss. even gene simmons is forced to acknowledge that fact.

but since most of us will never know what it's like to be sought after by millions of beautiful, glamorous girls, we can turn to paul and live vicariously through him. just what is it really like to be such a pretty boy? perhaps paul can even give us a few tips on how to become more like him.

to find out just how paul feels, we asked some of his closest friends. we couldn't get to paul since he was rehearsing with the other guys for kiss' new show. but these are friends that he confides everything in. paul has spoken to them at great length as to what it's like to be kiss' pretty boy. naturally, everyone has the wrong idea. it's human nature to think it would be great to be sought after by a bevy of bountiful beauties. but it's a hard life--very hard! just imagine how awful it must be to be placed at such a premium. girls calling you for dates at all hours of the night. it must really be agony to walk on the street and girls rip at your clothes. paul has acknowledged these difficulties to his friends.

he has told them that it gets boring after awhile. after all, he knows the same thing is going to happen to him day in, day out. the minute any girl spots him, he's in trouble. all they want to do is kiss paul on his sexy, ruby red, permanently pouting and powerfully puckering lips. they also take great pleasure in wanting to paint a star on paul's other eye.

another reason paul is not all that happy being kiss' pretty boy is because women are jealous of him! they can't stand the fact that his makeup is so perfect and he never has a shiny nose. some of them want to go out with him just to learn the secrets of how to put on makeup the right way. paul wants a woman to like him for himself--not for his cosmetological skill.

paul also takes exception to the fact that women are always ripping his clothes. it's not easy to replace rhinestone-studded outfits. even paul isn't that rich. he gets down right embarrassed when the girls rip off all his clothes, leaving him in his diamond-crusted jockey shorts. paul is a modest man--you can tell that by the act he puts on on-stage.

paul also doesn't like being such a handsome star because it leaves him feeling so sleepy. paul never gets a chance to rest. the poor guy is always in the company of some gorgeous femme fatale. he may hate being such a pretty boy, but somehow, he can't seem to say no to any nice girl who approaches him. naturally, he has no time to sleep. he always seems to be preoccupied with something else. paul would give anything for a decent night's sleep--anything except losing a date!

another thing which paul doesn't like is the constant trips to the beauty parlor he must undertake. since paul has the reputation for being such a pretty boy, he realizes he must live up to it. he goes to have his hair done twice a week. paul also gets a facial including a mud pack. in addition, paul has his star retouched. but this constant traveling back and forth takes it's wear and tear on paul. it's getting so that he can no longer stand the sight of a hair dryer!

even though paul has told his friends all the draw backs of being a man much in demand, for some strange reason, they keep on asking him how they could become like him. the poor guys are willing to have their clothes ripped to shreds and lose sleep just to show paul they are willing to suffer along with him. now that's what true friendship is all about!

paul has no recourse but to give his friends some tips on how to become like him. his friends graciously passed these tips on to us. we, in turn, pass them along to you, just in case there are one or two guys out there who want to be waited on hand and foot by a pretty lady.

paul's first tip is to be different. you have to stick out. paul has achieved this through his make up and dress. but since most guys are not in a rock group and would be arrested for wearing make up on the street, paul has another way for the common man to be a stand out. he suggest that you walk around with a flashing light on the top of your head. it may not be quite as effective as makeup but it sure will make you stick out in a crowd! (just think, you may even get to meet some pretty nurses in your padded cell!)

another good tip from paul is that it helps to walk around with an instrument. a guitar is best. girls see guys walking around with a big guitar, and they instantly think they must be a rock star. naturally, they want to meet all the rock stars they can. so they make the first move. the next thing you know you're out on a date with a foxy gal!

paul's best advice is go to a kiss concert! there are always plenty of eligible and lovely girls to be found. however, paul wants it known that he has first choice of all the females in the audience! but being such a nice guy, he would be only too glad to leave the leftovers for all the other guys in the audience. if you can hook them, they're all yours! that paul is a real sweet-heart.

now you know how really tough it is to be a pretty boy--especially the pretty boy of kiss. paul stanley has such a rough life, doesn't he? he keeps on complaining about it to all his friends. but it's a funny thing. when they offer to change places with him paul gets this horrified look over his face. he quickly tells them that he's made his bed, so he'll have to lie in it--even if it's with an exquisite woman. yes, paul stanley certainly leads a tough life!

now that you know what it's like being an idol, you can make up your own minds as whether or not it's worth it. after all, what guy wants a girl around his neck 24 hours a day, seven days a week? if you answered in the affirmative, then get to it! follow paul's words of wisdom. who knows, maybe one day, you, too, can be sought after as much as paul stanley. but for the time being, we'll all have to be content with letting paul do all the dirty work. he may complain about being the pretty boy of kiss, but he usually has a big smile on his face--as he walks of into the sunset with a beautiful woman draped around his arm!

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