superman quits kiss

a work of fiction
super rock awards magazine - fall 1979

fans demand that superman quit kiss!
but peter criss says "hiss" to this!

hot flash! superman leaves kiss! only months after he had decided to add his extraterrestrial powers to the mighty rock group kiss, superman has withdrawn. the public opposition was too much for him. what had started off as an attempt to improve the band and bring more excitement to it's stage show, turned into a catastrophe. the people of america would just not allow it. they've let their opposition be heard - kiss can only be kiss including gene, paul, ace and peter, not kiss and superman. the mere idea that kiss would need help from superman was preposterous to kissaholics across the country. it was an insult! how could the greatest rock and roll band in the world accept a member from another planet? especially one that did'nt wear make-up. kiss fans have put a stop to what might have been the biggest fiasco in history. as a result, superman will have to pursue a solo career.

the whole concept started so innocently. superman was looking for another way to break into the public's consciousness after the success of his movie. shooting the film was really exciting for him, but you know superman - he's always looking for new adventures. besides, he did'nt have to act in his movie. he had to just be himself. he did'nt even need a stuntman. there was no challenge. he had never spit blood or breathed fire before. he had'nt even played a musical instrument in his life, but he was sure he could get some unearthly sounds out of a good set of keyboards. this is what kiss had designated his role to be - their new keyboard player. this was the piece they had been missing. the very thought of superman on synthesizer even made paul stanley's pout turn into a smile. if people thought kiss' music was out of this world before, it would be even spacier now.

including superman in the group would have been very simple to do. they would'nt have even had to change their stage set-up. he could have flown above them with his transistorized keyboards. there were also rumors of the possibility that superman would literally lift the stage into mid-air and fly around the auditoriums and concert halls with it. this way all of the audience could catch a close up view. with superman in the band, the possibilities were endless. he could add an entirely new dimension to their show.

needless to say, superman is extremely disappointed that he had to give up this rock and roll fantasy. working at the daily planet as clark kent just has'nt been cutting the mustard. for a man of many talents, the job has been just plain boring. lois lane and jimmy olsen are a good time and all, but superman was desperately feeling the urge to put a little pizzazz into his life. if he thought that having to go back to being a reporter after starring in his own movie was the pits, it was even worse this time. he had been so enthused with the idea of being a rock star that ever since he had passed the audition with kiss he had lived and breathed their music. he had even contacted mick jagger and ted nugent to see if they would give him some tips on stage presence. having always felt an affinity towards the jefferson starship, he had plastered pictures of grace slick all over his bedroom. louis lane was'nt particularly keen on this, but superman insisted that it was only business. in fact, she was'nt sure that she liked the whole idea of him becoming a rock star. she knew that soon there would be girls ripping his clothes off and trying to cut off locks of his hair. but superman, being the macho man he is, put his foot down and told her to stop her foolishness. he was going to join kiss, and that was that. well now lois can have her way, and superman is crushed. we have'nt been able to reach him for a public statement. we feel he might have taken off to circle the world for a couple of days to clear his head. if you feel a change in the weather, it's probably due to the ferocious headwinds he is creating in a frenzied flight. this is one of the most effective ways superman knows to work out his frustrations.

superman is'nt the only one disappointed by his forfeit. peter criss feels terrible! had had been the most adamant member of kiss to get the mighty superman into his group. the two had immediately hit it off. when superman was going through the painstaking process of deciding whether or not to join, even though the public was in a tizzy, he and peter had many late night talks on the subject. peter tried his best to convince superman to stay. he insisted that their fans would eventually get used to the idea.

for kiss, the only drawback was having to include a telephone booth to their touring equipment. that could be easily taken care of. they had already hired a designer to create a deluxe model which would include clothes hooks, a blow dryer and mirror. they also knew superman would make a great roadie. their equipment would be set-up in no time. superman had been only too willing to help them out.

but when it came to disappointing the american public, superman just could'nt do it. what kind of fun would it be to join kiss and get booed off the stage everynight? the thrill of having his own spotlight and keyboards just was'nt worth it. after all, your fans are the ones who make you a rock star, and if the people were hostile towards him, he'd never get his picture on the cover of rolling stone.

if you had followed kiss auditions for a new member, then you know that the incredible hulk was also being considered. however, when he crushed all their equipment, he blew it. gene simmons had really gotten mad and was forced to spit blood on the hulk to calm him down. well now that superman is out of the picture, perhaps the hulk will get a second chance. the greenish color of his skin is a definite plus in his favor. he would'nt even need make up. his ability to roadie is also obvious. maybe they'll work him in that way. the hulk has a reputation of playing a mean tambourine. peter may grudgingly agree to include him as a second percussionist, but he really had his whiskers set on his buddy superman. it'll take him a while to adjust to the transition.

when will kiss decide on their new member? well, the'll most likely surprise their fans by bringing him out in a guest appearance on tour. if the floors start to shake and the walls begin to crumble, you'll know it's the incredible hulk!

in the meantime, superman will be nursing his down trodden soul. but only time will heal his wounds. having always been under the assumption that the people of america loved him for all the crimes he deterred and all the goodwill he performed, superman is really disillusioned. he just has to reevaluate his place on earth.

but throughout all this, kiss has continued to shine on as the ever popular band they've always been. the fact that their fans spoke out as strongly as they did is living proof that kiss' best interests are in the hearts of one and all. viva la kiss!

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