kiss:
justice may be blind,
but not deaf

a work of fiction by: russ weiner
rock 79' magazine - fall 1979

kiss recently got a traffic ticket. they thought they were in the right, so they went to court to fight the case. well, the trial produced some amazing moments! all kiss fans will be glad to learn that even justice has a keen ear for music!

we all have to do things we don't want to do at times. we can't only have good times. there are certain responsibilities in life which have to be taken care of. even rock stars are not immune from certain tasks. kiss, being rock stars, fall into this category.

they have recently found out that there are more things which they have to do in life than just pay their taxes and die!

kiss found themselves in an uncomfortable situation, but they realized they would have to face the music and pay the piper. you see, kiss had to go to court to take care of a traffic ticket they got. they claimed they were innocent, so they were going to fight for justice!

the manner in which they got the ticket was questionable, so kiss decided they had a good chance of winning their case. they were determined - one way or another - to make the judge see their side of the story.

the day that kiss got the ticket started out like any other. it was a lovely day, so the boys decided they would take a drive. they readied their kissmobile and set out. they did'nt have any particular destination in mind, they figured they would just drive around and see the sights.

for the first half-hour of their trip everything went fine. kiss were enjoying the drive, it really calmed their battered nerves. they took a spin around the suburbs, taking in the beauty of nature. but then peter had what he thought to be a brilliant idea! he suggested that the boys drive into town. they could do some window-shopping (from the car) and maybe even stop some place for a bite to eat.

the others agreed. the kissmobile sped off toward the city. a few minutes later the boys had reached their destination. they began driving through town. all was fine until they reached a large intersection. it was at the center of town. there were many cars and people around.

naturally, kiss - and their kissmobile - stood out! it had to. their car is almost a block long and is painted in the colors of the rainbow. there are diamonds on the outside, and the name kiss is emblazoned in large letters along the side - flashing neon letters!

the minute the car rolled into the intersection, all other traffic stopped dead. there was a traffic jam for miles around. within the next couple of minutes, hundreds of passerby gathered around. they all immediately recognized kiss. they began chanting," we want kiss!"

the guys did'nt know what to do. all they wanted out of the day was a tranquil drive, now they were besieged by fans. the people began urging gene, paul, peter and ace to come out. before long, kiss grew afraid that their fans would grow violent if the guys did'nt come outside so they decided to oblige the screaming throng of onlookers.

the doors opened, and out stepped the superheroes of rock, kiss. the crowd cheered. the next thing kiss knew they were urged to "sing, we want a song" by their fans. kiss were once again ina quandary. they wanted to give in to the demands of their fans, but did'nt know if it was the right thing to do. finally, being such nice guys, they relented and agreed to put on a mini-performance in the intersection.

kiss told the people they would sing for them. the crowd roared it's approval. it was a good thing that kiss carries their instruments with them everywhere they go. but they still lacked a stage. gene soon took care of that. he climbed up on the roof of the kissmobile. the other three guys followed suit. kiss gave a mini-concert on the roof of their car in a crowded intersection. it was wild!

once they started singing, even more people joined the already huge crowd. it was a solid mass of humanity for blocks. a unique sound was made when kiss' singing was joined by the honking of cars. life must go on, and cars must be free to pass - even when kiss is performing. the scene soon became one of chaos and confusion.

naturally, it was the police to the rescue. they rushed up to the kissmobile and told the boys to halt their singing. kiss respects the law. so they complied with their wishes. they figured they would stop singing and that would be that. kiss were proved wrong.

believe it or not, the police gave them a ticket! no, it was'nt for speeding in a non-singing zone. it was'nt even for disturbing the peace. the boys could live with that. they got a ticket for - being armed with a deadly weapon - their voices. apparently, the cop did'nt like kiss' music. he was an old fuddy-duddy!

there was nothing kiss could do but take the ticket. they did'nt want to argue with the officer and risk getting thrown in jail. they would wait to have their day in court. kiss were determined to see justice done. they did'nt mind paying the money for the ticket, it was the principle of the thing!

the big day finally arrived. it was kiss' day in court. they caused quite a stir when they arrived in the courtroom. the people in attendance cheered loudly. but when the judge came in, it was a different matter. he could'nt believe his eyes! he had never seen anything like kiss in all his years on the bench. the minute he saw them he said "this is'nt a three ring circus, it's mu courtroom. why did you guys come here dressed up in makeup and weird costumes. what kind of nuts are you anyway?"

well, gene simmons spoke up. he told the judge that they were kiss and that's the way they dressed. the judge nodded his head and let the proceedings begin. he said he would hear both sides and then render a verdict.

the policeman who gave kiss the ticket was called to the stand first. he said he gave kiss a ticket for being armed with a deadly weapon because he got a headache from their singing. he felt justified in giving them the ticket.

then the judge called kiss to the stand. it was determined that ace would be the spokesman for the group. ho told the judge that kiss were just trying to please their fans. they knew it was wrong to tie up traffic, but they just could'nt say no to the people. ace was stern when he defended kiss' music. he said that their music was hailed by millions as great and dynamic. ace also claimed that one man's opinion should'nt count when millions think otherwise. he told the judge that he could ask anyone in the courthouse about kiss and they could tell him how great their music really is. ace said he hoped the judge would see the light and say kiss were not guilty.

well, the judge gave it a few minutes of thought. then he spoke up. he said "in all fairness, the only way i can render a just decision is by hearing kiss sing. it's up to you boys. will you sing for me?"

the crowd started urging kiss on when they heard that. kiss did'nt need any added incentive, they were only too eager to prove their innocence. they took instruments in hand and began to give the world's first rock concert in a court of law!

after a few minutes, the crowd was really into it. they were stomping their feet and going wild. they really grew feverish when gene simmons did his thing. he painted the seats of the courtroom red with his blood, which he spit freely! then he almost gave the judge a hotfoot when he breathed fire too near his chair.

speaking of the judge, perhaps you're wondering how he reacted to all this. well, believe it or not, he loved it! he even joined in the fun. he began steadily tapping his gravel against his desk. he was really in tune to the beat! when kiss finally finished playing, the whole crowd gave them a standing ovation - even the judge!

then it was finally time for the judge to render a decision. with a big smile on his face, he proclaimed,"wow, you guys really are terrific! no wonder you have so many fans. i find you not guilty! and i also recommend that the police officer who gave you the ticket go to a doctor to have his hearing examined. it's evident that he needs a hearing aid if he thinks kiss' music is no good!

once again, the crowd let out a large roar of approval at hearing the verdict! naturally, gene, ace, paul and peter were all delighted. they had won the day, they were not guilty. their honor - and talent - had been upheld! they had proven their point. yes, justice had triumphed! for once, the lady was'nt blind - even she likes kiss' music!


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